if i like u so much.Why cant i write a poem for you?
Could it be that u r not the One?
the hardest part of all..
Friday, October 8, 2010
at
10/08/2010 11:53:00 PM
yes it was hard.i thnk to everyone pun it is hard.saying goodbye.not as easy as it sounds.i've been saying good bye a lot since i can recall.but usually its when they leave me.but this time it was different.i decided to leave.i didnt know why i made the decesion to leave.especially to leave someone who made a difference to my life.you were there when no one else was.u know how difficult it is to be part of my life.but u tried.now that we're so close, i become insecure of my own feelings.i just know that someday someone will get hurt.and i dont want that to happen.and so i opt to say goodbye now.its the only way to reduce the pain in future.now that im on a holiday break.it gives me time n space to think that life is not just about fun and games.im a grown woman now.i shall think of wats good for me and my family.hal keduniaan can wait.selesaikn hal yg memerlukan kita di akhirat sana nanti.
ps: i hope i'l do just fine.
ps: i hope i'l do just fine.
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fear
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
at
7/21/2010 03:49:00 AM
"fear is when u do not know what u want"
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dear guy,
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
at
7/14/2010 09:23:00 PM
i am confused.irritated.vulnerable.
please dont hurt me :(
girl
please dont hurt me :(
girl
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im not a boy :(
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
at
6/30/2010 11:46:00 PM
lately i've been very2 bz with dragonboat,assignmnts and classes.hmm.why this entry? dgr ini cerita dulu...
LOKASI: cafe HB1
lelakiA : dianne, bila u nk ada boyfriend huh? i nk gk duhh tgk siapa boyfriend u nanti.
dianne : (diam seribu bahasa :s)
lelakiB : agak ah! u slalu lepak dgn lelaki2 tp x ada boyfriend.apa barang?
dianne : (dah x tau nk pk ape dah)
lelakiA: oh lupa, u kan lelaki mana main boyfriend2 nih.(gelak cm setan)
dianne :(dalam hati bermonolog kata2 sedih utk diri sendiri (hampir nangis juga))
.....................hmm.....kn....sakit kan dgr.sakit lagi yg merasai.cuba define sikit Diyana Lamin mcm mana.Diyana=rambut panjang+manja+gedik+suka baju bunga2. x cukup perempuan kah itu?masalahnya yg menjadi issue kpd jantan2 x guna ini ialah.Dianne=gelak kuat2+mencarut+lepak ngan lelaki. =.=' .bodoh.if its just these two guys yg ckp cmtu kesah la.ini.ramai pula la kn.
dgr cerita ni lak.
LOKASI: library
dianne:eh Ali(bukan nama sebenar), mana girl yg u slalu stdy sama tuh.(nada bergurau)
Ali:mana ada!eh, u tau x nama dia nk sama ngan nama roomate i.
dianne:eeee.gila gay u!
Ali:mana ada i gay.i nk usha u sorg je kot.eh, lupa u kan lelaki.kira gay la i ni kn.
dianne:BODOH!(sambil angkat kening ziana zain)
see.dis people are treating me as if im a boy.Ya Ampun.diri ku selembut2 perempuan tau x.
ok2.listen to this lak.
LOKASI : TEPI TASIK (DRAGONBOAT TRAINING)
Abu(bukan nama sebenar) :pergh! dianne da ada six packs duhh!da mcm Malek Noor aku tgk.
dianne:ahaha! i x la sehebat u kan Abu.
Abu:mana ada.u skali row nk terbalik boat kot!
dianne:very funny Abu!
hmm.cant say much dah.i cant stop them from saying that.dah dorg pk cmtu.nk wat cne :(
anyways.those who know me well will know how much of a girl i am :)
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denial of the truth 2
Sunday, May 30, 2010
at
5/30/2010 05:27:00 PM
aaaaarrrgghhhhh!!its weird weird weird.now i cant even look at their faces.its a good thg i got this page to release my sufferings.dun thnk i can go on with them anormally anymre.what started as a joke was taken seriously by them.why cant they just play along? is it so hard? ek eleh tetibe nk emo2.padahal dorg cool je.ak yg emo lebih ni.its distructing my attention and total behaviour.damn it!no no no.i cant be this weak.or can i? aih!i made a promise to them,i almost broke it.maybe i did.but i manage to fool them and continue with the rest of the plan.haaa.nk tau plan? no no no.x bole xbole.wtv it is.i hope my emotions does not affect my work.i've been doing good all this while. i cant let sumthg small get in my way.but what's bothering me is that.what are they thinking.they?him?her?should i make a conv trying to solve it?let them know how i felt abt this.eh tak boleh.nanti disyaki apa2.hmm.play cool?uneasy lah.omg omg omg!im stuck!stuck in what?i dunno.smebdy pls.anybdy pls.please dont bring it up anymre.
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denial of the truth
today i was accused of something impossible.i was stunned.how could they think such nonsense?or is it me who is trying to deny the truth?i couldnt answer when they asked.in a sinful manner,i lied.mygosh!y cudnt i just tell the truth?i cud have nddded when they asked.instead i gave the opposite.pity me.lost in my own world of denial.im not sure myself when i will confront them with the truth.i feel like this ego and over confident me is controlling my thoughts at the very minute of the question.but u cant blame me out of all this.im innocent too.i cant figure out whether the truth is real or not or just me satisfying my own needs.my selfish and insecure behaviour left me with thousands on questions in my head.throughout the whole conv i kept my cool.preventing myself from spilling the beans.the secret im keeping might just ruin my life,worse,somebdy elses.but i wasnt worried abt the others,i was more worried abt me.so i took the courage to lie straight to their faces.thnk goodness they were shallow enough to buy my words.fuuhhh..what a relief.im not guilty.better,i shudnt feel guilty.i told a lie that could save lives.a lie that is so important that i forbid myself frm telling the truth.the secret im keeping now is not heavy.just difficult.smeday,if the truth is ever revealed,then we will know.that it is the end of life as we know it :)
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