the results for my exam is already out..semalam ia keluar..at first i dare not even to think abt it..tp lama2 nk x nk kne gak bkk..bila terpampang je result kat screen laptop.. aku menangis tanpa air mata..hati menjadi beku..fikiran melayang, terbayang2 wajah2 hampa ibu bapa ku..oh my God, what did i do to deserve such a disaster dat may cause my allowance money,soon-car-to-be,respect from my family n friends,trust from my parents,fair judgements from the public and most important my own self-esteem? my cellphne berdering2..ibu call, x sanggup i angkat her phone call..failing my parents is something i will never do in a million lifetimes sekali pon..they gave me enuf support, provided me with the things i need n want and never asked for anything in return accept for my good grades in academic..and i cant even do that!! my roomate n i ran to Fad n Sue's room..sume org duduk berkumpul dlm bulatan menangis..i didnt cry..i looked at them as if my heart was as hard as stone..dlm bilik tu ada 5 org..me,Athi,Sue,Fad n Shikin..hanya me n athi yg bukan budak scholar..in dat room..pointer yg paling tinggi is 2.++..credits to Shikin..saya buntu..dont know what to thnk or where to go..the last thing i wud want is for my parents to burst their balloon at me..so i wnet back to my room..solat Maghrib..time sorg2 duk dlm bilik..i menangis..x sure menangis sedih atau kesal atau x puas hati..thank goodness last nite got practice, atleast to distract me frm my overreaction due to my grades..even the dancers can read my face n know that something went wrong..i owe it to them for making my nite yesterday..they were seniors,so getting advices frm them was an honour.. i may not be a top student or those who always got to be on stage for good grades, but getting dis semester's results really hit me rock bottom..
COMPUTER AND PROGRAM DESIGN D*
CIRCUIT THEORY F
FIELD THEORY D+*
ENGINEERING MATHEMATICS 1 D*
ELECTRONICS 1 F
see! gila vavi kan!..its embarassing n humiliating..about 65% from the students who took Electronics 1 failed..usually..below 40 baru fail..but too bad somehw for engineering faculty..passing mark is 50%..damn! how am i gonna tell my parents..better yet, how am i gonna convince them not to gve up on me????? to be honest.. i dunt know what went wrong..its either i do not know the cause or pretending to not know or denying my own fault..SUMPAH I DONT KNOW!
well, when u hit rock bottom, u have no where else to go but up..for now..i need to forgive myself in order to move on..i've scheduled a meeting with my advicer tomorrow morning..lets see what she has to say..may have to repeat a few subjects..damn!
when u have no one else to blame but u
Thursday, October 29, 2009
at
10/29/2009 04:09:00 PM
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Baru start sem
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
at
10/27/2009 04:42:00 PM
today is the second day of 2nd sem..hehe yesterday i missed my 1st class..ngok x! haha then bila da excited to start the 2nd class..it was cancelled..dang! fyi, dis week is quite hectic..bukan day but nite..dats coz im a student by day and bidadari by nite..hehe..know wat i mean..i joined SAKTI, a traditional dance group in MMU..on 30th of Oct ada MMU's Annual Charity Dinner so ktorg kne wat performance..its good to keep myself bz...aside frm being away frm books fr awhile, i get to make new friends n take time to enjoy myself n forget all the sorrows i've been thru..
every nite ada praktis yg start kul 8.00pm til whenever k.Kem(president) wnts us to stop..fuh serius penat!..kami akan perform 2 tarian iaitu Chandak n Changgung..
to all my beloved friends, minta maaf x dpt hang out or dtg to whatever practce there is..but i'll be free by next week..hope to see u guys n hang out as usual..
loves,
dianne
every nite ada praktis yg start kul 8.00pm til whenever k.Kem(president) wnts us to stop..fuh serius penat!..kami akan perform 2 tarian iaitu Chandak n Changgung..
to all my beloved friends, minta maaf x dpt hang out or dtg to whatever practce there is..but i'll be free by next week..hope to see u guys n hang out as usual..
loves,
dianne
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kepada anak babi yg confirm akan terasa!
Friday, October 23, 2009
at
10/23/2009 03:36:00 AM
weh, sorry if dis post contains byk rude n harsh words...
anak babi,
ko x yah la nk perasan ak ni stalker kau, what the fuck!..kalau dlu ye la kot..ada reason..kau igt kau sape?? pale hotak kau mmg berkarat ah! kau yg bodoh sgt g publish number phne kau kat facebook pehal? kau sedar x kat facebook tu utk public view..sial la kau..mulut pedas je kat fb kata aku la yg sial..otak kau tu yg x reti nk operate..kne ada manual sendiri agaknye..aku call kau ari tu coz d day befre kau beriya lah nk kasi present aku..ak pon pk la kau da bhenti emo,nk jd member semula..tp bila ak call nk ajak kuar..kau tengking ak lak..oi babi..ko ni ok x? nk kne sembelih ngan aku ke?..pe haram kejadah kau beli hadiah utk aku pon ak x paham!..g mati la kau..anak babi pon perangai x terok cm kau..x kenang hati budi org..mmg patut hidup kau byk masalah!
ps: kau sendiri pon tau kau ni cm sial kn :D
anak babi,
ko x yah la nk perasan ak ni stalker kau, what the fuck!..kalau dlu ye la kot..ada reason..kau igt kau sape?? pale hotak kau mmg berkarat ah! kau yg bodoh sgt g publish number phne kau kat facebook pehal? kau sedar x kat facebook tu utk public view..sial la kau..mulut pedas je kat fb kata aku la yg sial..otak kau tu yg x reti nk operate..kne ada manual sendiri agaknye..aku call kau ari tu coz d day befre kau beriya lah nk kasi present aku..ak pon pk la kau da bhenti emo,nk jd member semula..tp bila ak call nk ajak kuar..kau tengking ak lak..oi babi..ko ni ok x? nk kne sembelih ngan aku ke?..pe haram kejadah kau beli hadiah utk aku pon ak x paham!..g mati la kau..anak babi pon perangai x terok cm kau..x kenang hati budi org..mmg patut hidup kau byk masalah!
ps: kau sendiri pon tau kau ni cm sial kn :D
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sakit perut..sakit hati
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
at
10/06/2009 12:59:00 PM
hello..maaf kerna lama menyepi..dis week exm...so x o9 sgt(ceh leh caye la sgt)..hr i had to write..not coz i want to..but coz i hv to..org perempuan kalau simpan dlm hati bole mati..somethg happen last nite..kinda hit me straight in the face..maaf ini bukan gelanggang tinju tp..emosi semata..
last nite i had a chat with a great friend frm matrx dlu..we chat2..coz dia br balik dr jmpa our old friend and we tanye khabar..tiba2 i blurt out my feelings fr faizal..we all knw dat i can never be over him..atleast not in dis 7 months..dgn berat hati he told me..
beliau : Dianne i rasa its time u kne lupakan Faizal la..i tau susah..i pon pnah rasa ditinggalkn oleh
org yg kite sayang.Lately ni i tgk Faizal da byk kembali kepada asal..asyik ngan jantan je
keluar sana sini..
me : ye ke?
beliau : u tau x..dlu masa spgk5 kat kmpk..Faizal sndri bgtau i yg dia sayang u sgt sgt sgt..tp dia masih mahukan life dia dgn jantan2 lain..
tanpa sedar air mata aku da mengalir..buku computer prgmng yg aku pegang makin basah terkena air mata aku..baru mlm td aku tau perihal sbenar..selama ini aku biar fkiran melayang memikirkn hanye perkara yg positif kerna aku ditinggalkn tanpa sebab..hanya persoalan..i make myself believe dat he might not be ready and dat he's guilty of not making me happy or he's scared of being left..but i was wrong..so wrong dat caused me my entire happiness of dat day..
Faizal left me because of one selfish reason ..he wanted his gay life back..being able to be around guys who wud take him in for the nite and toss him out the next day..what kind of freedom is dat?..tukar2 pasangan evry other week..bosan dgn yg ini pergi kepada yg lain..i thot when Faizal met me..i'd be his answer to his questions in life..mahu aku bahagiakn dia..gembirakn dia selalu..buat dia bersyukur aku wujud di dunia ini..
kul 4 pagi td..i cried myself to sleep..bangun je mata bengkak..nk x nk kne bgn gk..ada exm at 9..i prayed to Allah to let me sit for my exm in peace..i txted Ibu,Mama shfq n Aty..minta mereka doa bersama..didnt txt Aness coz i knw she's sleeping(ceh,kne gk explain t dia merungut :p)..
during exam..awal2 tu susah nk focus..perut sgt sakit coz x berak..hati sgt sakit n pedih..mcm2 pikir..namun nasib iman ni kuat lg nk ketepikan nafsu dan cabaran dunia..Alhamdulillah td bole la jwb..
kesian Abu(my crush) bukan nama sebenar, dia tegur, i cm nk x nk je layan..hr ni mmg susah utk senyum..sorry everyone..didnt mean to act so sour :(
last nite i had a chat with a great friend frm matrx dlu..we chat2..coz dia br balik dr jmpa our old friend and we tanye khabar..tiba2 i blurt out my feelings fr faizal..we all knw dat i can never be over him..atleast not in dis 7 months..dgn berat hati he told me..
beliau : Dianne i rasa its time u kne lupakan Faizal la..i tau susah..i pon pnah rasa ditinggalkn oleh
org yg kite sayang.Lately ni i tgk Faizal da byk kembali kepada asal..asyik ngan jantan je
keluar sana sini..
me : ye ke?
beliau : u tau x..dlu masa spgk5 kat kmpk..Faizal sndri bgtau i yg dia sayang u sgt sgt sgt..tp dia masih mahukan life dia dgn jantan2 lain..
tanpa sedar air mata aku da mengalir..buku computer prgmng yg aku pegang makin basah terkena air mata aku..baru mlm td aku tau perihal sbenar..selama ini aku biar fkiran melayang memikirkn hanye perkara yg positif kerna aku ditinggalkn tanpa sebab..hanya persoalan..i make myself believe dat he might not be ready and dat he's guilty of not making me happy or he's scared of being left..but i was wrong..so wrong dat caused me my entire happiness of dat day..
Faizal left me because of one selfish reason ..he wanted his gay life back..being able to be around guys who wud take him in for the nite and toss him out the next day..what kind of freedom is dat?..tukar2 pasangan evry other week..bosan dgn yg ini pergi kepada yg lain..i thot when Faizal met me..i'd be his answer to his questions in life..mahu aku bahagiakn dia..gembirakn dia selalu..buat dia bersyukur aku wujud di dunia ini..
kul 4 pagi td..i cried myself to sleep..bangun je mata bengkak..nk x nk kne bgn gk..ada exm at 9..i prayed to Allah to let me sit for my exm in peace..i txted Ibu,Mama shfq n Aty..minta mereka doa bersama..didnt txt Aness coz i knw she's sleeping(ceh,kne gk explain t dia merungut :p)..
during exam..awal2 tu susah nk focus..perut sgt sakit coz x berak..hati sgt sakit n pedih..mcm2 pikir..namun nasib iman ni kuat lg nk ketepikan nafsu dan cabaran dunia..Alhamdulillah td bole la jwb..
kesian Abu(my crush) bukan nama sebenar, dia tegur, i cm nk x nk je layan..hr ni mmg susah utk senyum..sorry everyone..didnt mean to act so sour :(
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