denial of the truth 2
Sunday, May 30, 2010
at
5/30/2010 05:27:00 PM
aaaaarrrgghhhhh!!its weird weird weird.now i cant even look at their faces.its a good thg i got this page to release my sufferings.dun thnk i can go on with them anormally anymre.what started as a joke was taken seriously by them.why cant they just play along? is it so hard? ek eleh tetibe nk emo2.padahal dorg cool je.ak yg emo lebih ni.its distructing my attention and total behaviour.damn it!no no no.i cant be this weak.or can i? aih!i made a promise to them,i almost broke it.maybe i did.but i manage to fool them and continue with the rest of the plan.haaa.nk tau plan? no no no.x bole xbole.wtv it is.i hope my emotions does not affect my work.i've been doing good all this while. i cant let sumthg small get in my way.but what's bothering me is that.what are they thinking.they?him?her?should i make a conv trying to solve it?let them know how i felt abt this.eh tak boleh.nanti disyaki apa2.hmm.play cool?uneasy lah.omg omg omg!im stuck!stuck in what?i dunno.smebdy pls.anybdy pls.please dont bring it up anymre.
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denial of the truth
today i was accused of something impossible.i was stunned.how could they think such nonsense?or is it me who is trying to deny the truth?i couldnt answer when they asked.in a sinful manner,i lied.mygosh!y cudnt i just tell the truth?i cud have nddded when they asked.instead i gave the opposite.pity me.lost in my own world of denial.im not sure myself when i will confront them with the truth.i feel like this ego and over confident me is controlling my thoughts at the very minute of the question.but u cant blame me out of all this.im innocent too.i cant figure out whether the truth is real or not or just me satisfying my own needs.my selfish and insecure behaviour left me with thousands on questions in my head.throughout the whole conv i kept my cool.preventing myself from spilling the beans.the secret im keeping might just ruin my life,worse,somebdy elses.but i wasnt worried abt the others,i was more worried abt me.so i took the courage to lie straight to their faces.thnk goodness they were shallow enough to buy my words.fuuhhh..what a relief.im not guilty.better,i shudnt feel guilty.i told a lie that could save lives.a lie that is so important that i forbid myself frm telling the truth.the secret im keeping now is not heavy.just difficult.smeday,if the truth is ever revealed,then we will know.that it is the end of life as we know it :)
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*oh
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
at
5/26/2010 11:05:00 PM
have this crazy urge to talk.but we have been doing that a lil too much dis week.sweet weekend hotness ;)
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untitled
Saturday, May 15, 2010
at
5/15/2010 04:57:00 AM
" i miss watching u fall asleep then waking up next to you"
:)
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one year,the beginning of growing up
yes now it has been one year since i entered the so overrated uni life.haha.many things has happened along the way.i learned a lot from my mistakes and also others.the dramas.the conflicts.the scandals.the love.the lust.but most important,the friends.we gain some and lose some.but dats how life is.anythg that happens has hikmahs behind it.experience is the best teacher.needless to say i have done many things some of which im not proud of.but as humans we make mistakes.im no super human.in life we search for truth and honesty.getting lost along the path is part of growing up.and yes, i guess im prepared to grow up.im not a little girl anymre.no time to depend on someone to look after me.tried.but forget it.who's gonna?rite?once u've fell down,u've got no where to go but up.get up.by urself.u dun need others to comfort u.others to make u feel accepted.others for u to respect urself.it all comes from ur inner self.if u are not content with urself.how can others be?im making promises to myself.hoping wont cheat myself.hard to say i'l be honest.but if im not gonna do it for me.who will?since i was small i always work on being a better person.i read motivational books since i was in primary school.joined the debate team in secondary school as i find fighting for my rights is the best way to find myself.such young mind of mine was thaught that being superior was the best life that anyone cud ever lead.somehow,life thaught me that its ok to be wrong once in a while.u just have to correct ur mistakes and move on.and now that im going on my second year in uni, im excited to know what life awaits....
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dzulfadhli lamin
Friday, May 14, 2010
at
5/14/2010 03:05:00 AM
itu nama di beri.byk nama dia kat dunia ni.dzul.fadhli.mookie.blanc.aish.ngada tol bdak kecil tuh.damn.i still cant accept the fact dat he has finished school.driving my dads car.and lives life to the fullest.im browsing thru his itunes n collections of movies ni.mmg inspired tgk cara bdak ni idup.i mean bukan dia la.the things he loves.hmm....
"fadhli, i miss u so much okayh.y arent u at home when i am? :("
"fadhli, i miss u so much okayh.y arent u at home when i am? :("
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mungkin hanya alasan
Thursday, May 13, 2010
at
5/13/2010 03:08:00 AM
tidak perlu reason.tidak perlu kata kata.hanya alasan.pulang awal.tidak ada kerja.alasan ke?mungkin.siapa tahu.cud be that i hate goodbyes.or the end of everythg.maybe i hate being caught up in a drama.so the only escape i have is to cme home.to my family.meet my angels.but i love my friends.i'l be there for them no matter what.but right now,i just need to come home.let those whom i dun want to see miss me.muahahah :D
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dianne, r u afraid of being alone?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
at
5/01/2010 08:35:00 PM
wah! i myself have never dare to ask myself this.coz sometimes we wish not to know the truth in our lives.somehw there's a friend out there who cares about my being asked me this a few days ago.i was quite dumbfounded there.dont really knw how to answer the q.tho did thought abt it but nvr cared to prolong the thoughts. the answer to this q might be the reason for my tears all this while.my greatest fear.the fear of being lonely.being alone and being lonely is two big difference.alone is when u sit in ur room sorg2.be it ur roomate balik or ur family sume da masuk tdur.but being lonely.MYGOSH! typing the word itself scares me.lonely is when u're alone and u have no one to turn to.ur world fills itself with emptiness.i had my years of being lonely time skolah rendah dulu.never had that many friends.dun even wish to have pn.ala2 cm dlm muvie,i'd be in the nerds group time skola.haha.but as i grow up, i am more exposed to the world.finally i know how the world spins. and life wasnt that boring.i make new friends each day.but most of the time i blew the new bonds.guess im just not a long-term kinda person.but i was never lonely or alone.i'd always have friends.but lightning strucked my fate.i once lost a person whom i thot meant the world to me.back then. i felt like dieing.i wasnt alone but i was lonely.yes, i do know how it feels to be lonely. but i cudnt blame anyone.so i blamed myself n promise not to make such stupid mistake like that.so to answer the q.no, im not afraid of being alone.but im afraid of feeling lonely.now.aness is leaving.sanie is leaving.azri is leaving.dayat is leaving.sol is leaving.thnk god reena is still arnd.and all my other friends :D thank u GOD for blessing me with such great friends :)
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